Cell Phone Power

Has too much time passed that we can't marvel at the ubiquity and utility of the cellular phone? Like modern cowboys of communication, most of us can sling our Swiss Army talkmachines out and easily yammer away with the rest of the Cell Wild West.

We all knew the day would come that the telephone would improve, but once that cord was cut there was no looking back.

No longer do we need to mentally calculate tips for Flo at the local diner. We don't need Uncle Lou's lousy, long-winded directions to savor the sweet meats of a family BBQ. We don't even need to buy a hundred dollar camera to remember the globs of carnivorous honey we ate at Flo or Lou's expense. It seems to all be in the palms of our hands, the key to a digital world of convenience.

With great innovation sure does come great change, but we're not oblivious to the changes. We giggle at the thought of speed dial being an added feature while understanding numbers are no longer meant to be remembered or written down. Somehow cellular devices make sharing nude pictures or dirty love notes much, much easier and without much more guilt or shame. Which lead me to think that maybe these handy devices may be changing the world for the better. We become more open with one another and spend less time remembering sequences and math our brain doesn't need to compress. With all that cleared space, we have more room to think and act on the meaning of life, as long as the batteries stay burning.

The power of the cellular phone gives good enough reason to weary, though. When a device can hold your personal information, image and innermost thoughts, you can't help but wonder if someone can peep in.

For a second, I want to imagine the anarchist destruction people could do with the power of the cellular network.

Waitresses around the world could tamper the tip calculators ever so slightly to forcibly raise their incomes and feed their kids. Porno directors could hound you down like college admission committees solely based on your performance in private cell sex videos. Hell, even TomTom would cutcut the power to the GPS systems in newer phones just so he could tell you how to get where you're going himself. Selfish bastard.

Whether or not we all admit it, we want some sort of power. It is easy to get. Simply reach into your pants pocket or purse, answering that hip, crunchy, new ringtone, begging for your attention and love. We hold power in our hands everyday but if we don't use it, someone will abuse it.

Mein Blog: Hitler on the Internet

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld has a joke about fear in America. To his knowledge, the fear of public speaking in America ranks higher than the fear of death, meaning, as he proclaimed, people would rather be dead, rotting in a casket, than giving the eulogy.

There is something about face-to-face connection that haunts the average person. There is nothing like looking into someone's eyes and watching their pupils fill with boredom. Multiply that by a given amount and the thrill is almost pants-wetting. We have a need for acceptance.

You can't please everyone, sure, but if you're lucky enough to have a platform you better have something to say.

NOTICE: The World Wide Web has no such rules, though. The fear of judging eyes melts away as we spread our smalltalk on the Internet. Disdain for our jobs or updates on our exhaustion level float freely through cyberspace, building a flimsy digital connection between us. We all feel we have the right to a platform now, whether or not what we say is vapid or mindless. But those who actively use the Web to engage an audience with more than common complaints slowly start to confront the fear of judging eyes and, gasp, public speaking in reality.

SIDE STEP: It made me wonder how Adolf Hitler would handle the Internet. A man unafraid of criticism or public speaking, for sure, the Internet would be just another stage for Hitler to spew his hate. But would it be effective?

Hitler's ideology thrived in part due to the secrecy of The Third Reich. The Internet wasn't available to spread photos and video of concentration camps and warn the world of injustice. But you have to wonder how the Internet has shown us world crises all over and we still seem to roll over.

Of course, in our politically correct and progressive society, hate is not tolerated through Internet popularity. While viral videos may flirt with the idea of racism or hate, as with the most recent scuffle on an AC Transit Bus with Epic Beard Man, Hitler's hate speech would send red flags immediately. Screaming and sweating on YouTube, Hitler's talk of a Final Solution would be a toss-up. While I can easily see a video as offensive and disturbing as that striking fear into American hearts, I could also easily see my buddies sharing a laugh over a goofy-mustachioed foreigner in a tight uniform, blasting such irrational hate. He would either be considered armed and dangerous or be laughed off the Internet.

What it really boils down to is passion. Hitler would use the Internet, but he would do so strategically. We wouldn't hear of his struggles with organizing Nazis or the cost of milk in Germany. I don't even think his random, hate-filled thoughts could fit in a single tweet. What I do believe, though, is Hitler was talented. You can't argue that he knew how to manipulate and motivate a crowd. He had an audience close to the size of a powerful nation without the use of the Internet. And he stared down the fear-mongering eyes of boredom and lashed out with passion.

In my own twisted and garbled way, I'm trying to say that what the Internet's stage needs is passion. Where Hitler succeeded, we have the tools to progress way past hate. Belly laughter over a song about delicious rainfall or a fat kid embarrassing himself imitating a classic movie series may serve as instant gratification but when it comes to updating the world, why share the same bullshit?

We need to save the smalltalk for the times when it is necessary: as a diving board for getting to know someone. When we jump right into our late-night thoughts or deepest fears we tend to turn people off with informality. I think we need to drive toward our fear of public speaking, battle it, and realize that we all can be boring sooner or later but we don't always have to be.

**props to Jess on the title joke

Responsibility + Imagination = Best Friends 4 Ever

Responsibility gets an unfortunate reputation when you consider your entire friendship.

When we were young that dude was a butthead. He didn't share his toys and, even worse, he always played by the rules. There was no peeking in hide n' seek for him.

In high school, responsibility had this weird glow of possibility. He seemed like a guy who could open doors for you so you could one day do what you wanted as a career. Needless to say, for me, responsibility and I were somewhat best friends in high school.

College came and, as most friendships do, ours was put to the test. Responsibility seemed a bit too uptight on weekends and I'll be the first to admit I rarely invited him to the best of parties. In retrospect, it may or may not have been the best idea.

Then, in some freak radioactive explosion accident, responsibility slammed into me as I stepped off the graduation platform. Before I could formulate questions, our hip bones ground together and meshed into a thick soup.

NOTICE: Life would never be the same. Or so I thought...

Imagination was always a cool dude, though.

If I remember right, he was the crazy kid on the playground. We hung out every now and then, and he always had fantastic ideas, like building rocket ships and forts where we could cut ourselves off from the world and live in peace with our friendship. (Was imagination gay or just selfish with his friends?)

He opened our minds to the Real World while he kept his head in the clouds. It goes without saying that imagination may have had tough times at home, but he was always smiling.

In college, though, imagination slowly turned in on himself. His drinking got out of control and he started to get a bit lazy. His rambling ideas about the world started to sound more and more unrealistic and, honestly, a bit bonkers. I mean, how can anyone eat fast food for an entire month? Or choreograph a dance on treadmills? Or even make a movie about a vagina with teeth? Dude got weird.

But somehow I miss him.

SIDE-STEP: Now imagination needs a kidney and responsibility is the only one with a matching blood type. Sure, there is the possibility of death, for either, but to not try is to not success.

Funny story is that once you opened your eyes to it, responsibility and imagination could actually get along. Responsibility loosens up enough to debate imagination into a corner on occasion and all you have to do is sit back and enjoy. Imagination still has his head in the clouds when his kidney doesn't hurt and he even got a job with health benefits, thanks to his new friend, responsibility.

The two of them think it's possible to make a magazine for my friends. There was also talk of making some really weird films and even running around the country like a fugitive in our spare time.

This may be the start to a beautiful friendship.