Mein Blog: Hitler on the Internet

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld has a joke about fear in America. To his knowledge, the fear of public speaking in America ranks higher than the fear of death, meaning, as he proclaimed, people would rather be dead, rotting in a casket, than giving the eulogy.

There is something about face-to-face connection that haunts the average person. There is nothing like looking into someone's eyes and watching their pupils fill with boredom. Multiply that by a given amount and the thrill is almost pants-wetting. We have a need for acceptance.

You can't please everyone, sure, but if you're lucky enough to have a platform you better have something to say.

NOTICE: The World Wide Web has no such rules, though. The fear of judging eyes melts away as we spread our smalltalk on the Internet. Disdain for our jobs or updates on our exhaustion level float freely through cyberspace, building a flimsy digital connection between us. We all feel we have the right to a platform now, whether or not what we say is vapid or mindless. But those who actively use the Web to engage an audience with more than common complaints slowly start to confront the fear of judging eyes and, gasp, public speaking in reality.

SIDE STEP: It made me wonder how Adolf Hitler would handle the Internet. A man unafraid of criticism or public speaking, for sure, the Internet would be just another stage for Hitler to spew his hate. But would it be effective?

Hitler's ideology thrived in part due to the secrecy of The Third Reich. The Internet wasn't available to spread photos and video of concentration camps and warn the world of injustice. But you have to wonder how the Internet has shown us world crises all over and we still seem to roll over.

Of course, in our politically correct and progressive society, hate is not tolerated through Internet popularity. While viral videos may flirt with the idea of racism or hate, as with the most recent scuffle on an AC Transit Bus with Epic Beard Man, Hitler's hate speech would send red flags immediately. Screaming and sweating on YouTube, Hitler's talk of a Final Solution would be a toss-up. While I can easily see a video as offensive and disturbing as that striking fear into American hearts, I could also easily see my buddies sharing a laugh over a goofy-mustachioed foreigner in a tight uniform, blasting such irrational hate. He would either be considered armed and dangerous or be laughed off the Internet.

What it really boils down to is passion. Hitler would use the Internet, but he would do so strategically. We wouldn't hear of his struggles with organizing Nazis or the cost of milk in Germany. I don't even think his random, hate-filled thoughts could fit in a single tweet. What I do believe, though, is Hitler was talented. You can't argue that he knew how to manipulate and motivate a crowd. He had an audience close to the size of a powerful nation without the use of the Internet. And he stared down the fear-mongering eyes of boredom and lashed out with passion.

In my own twisted and garbled way, I'm trying to say that what the Internet's stage needs is passion. Where Hitler succeeded, we have the tools to progress way past hate. Belly laughter over a song about delicious rainfall or a fat kid embarrassing himself imitating a classic movie series may serve as instant gratification but when it comes to updating the world, why share the same bullshit?

We need to save the smalltalk for the times when it is necessary: as a diving board for getting to know someone. When we jump right into our late-night thoughts or deepest fears we tend to turn people off with informality. I think we need to drive toward our fear of public speaking, battle it, and realize that we all can be boring sooner or later but we don't always have to be.

**props to Jess on the title joke